The real epiphany

I realized that there is no point in complaining like I did in my previous post. No point in telling the story over and over to whoever will listen and make sure the details are understood in hopes you will see that I am right and she is wrong. Because in truth all our problems are as much my fault as it was hers. So I will not go on telling you of every little thing she has done that was wrong. That was in the past and here I am no better than I was yesterday or the day before that. The difference between us is that I recognize that I have a problem, more like a barrage of problems, and I decided that I was going to do something to fix my situation. Make a few sacrifices now so that in the long run I will be better off. If I make a mistake I will be a man and own up to it.

I'm a bit worried at the moment for my marriage. I feel that we have hit a wall that was built long ago and I don't know if it can be brought down. When it comes down to it to me it feels as if we are only here today for all the wrong reasons. Maybe she feels sorry for me and knows that i have no where to go if it ended. Maybe she's simply used to having me around and doesn't want to be alone. Maybe it's because of our little one. I don't know what it could be but I'm afraid of even bringing it up because for as long as I can remember we can't get into a serious discussion without it always turning into a fight. Sure, we can wait until one or the other calms down but once the subject is brought up again it just turns into the same fight. I feel like we're lost never to return to who we once were and feel like it's too far gone for there to be any change.