I was feeling a bit lonely these past few days. I don't have any friends. The one I did have is no longer here. The few friends I did have after high school I just don't talk to anymore. It ended as quickly as it began. Out of nowhere a situation was created to be used as an excuse for the end of our friendship and to this day I still don't understand what happened and why.

As far as family goes, blood relatives, I no longer see any of them and don't wish to really. I have my immediate family now, my beautiful wife and daughter and although we had a rough 2 or 3 years we're finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I also have my mother who I am very blessed to have. Unfortunately, my father died over 10 years ago and it makes me sad to think I wasn't able to introduce my wife or beautiful daughter to him when she was born. He's the one person, as strange as this may sound to some people, I wish would have been here today so I could have someone to discuss my recent marital troubles with or seek advice about a certain addiction I had. My two older brothers, Priamo & Pavel, who are there for me even though one of them lives in another state. That's it.

You see, here is the problem I have with my family. They have the tendency to simply sweep things under the carpet when it comes to family problems. That is something I cannot do. Without talking it out, problems tend to keep gnawing away at me and I can't live my life like that. So I either resolve a problem or cut ties with the source of the problems. There was a certain situation a few years back where I was accused of pushing my aunt's husband's mother. I asked my mother she knew the answer to that and she didn't want to go any further and quickly changed the subject. There was also that time I was invited to a Metallica concert, I'm a HUGE almost borderline obsessive fan, in Orlando a few weeks before the concert and a few days before it I received a phone call from my mother telling me I could no longer go for some vague reason. I still don't know who it was that didn't want me to go. Whether my Uncle, cousins, or brother's wife. No one can give me a straight answer and I wish to God they would.

In the end though it doesn't really matter. I have a beautiful healthy daughter who I would do anything for. A beautiful and caring wife that will do anything for me and if one day fails at providing something I can see that she honestly feels bad about it. A great mother and two brothers that are there for me despite anything stupid I may do. Sorry, reading this back, it sounds like I'm rambling on incoherently. Thanks for reading it though.