Trapt

It is a momentous occasion for me with my new job and having somewhat of a clear head but at the same time I'm hurting, I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm tired (mentally/physically), I'm lonely, I'm raging, I feel alienated and it feels like I'll never get to the end of this road.

I can't seem to win. I'm always at odds with everything in my so called "married" life, if that makes any sense. I don't feel like a husband. I feel like a boyfriend that could be pushed away at any moment. It's as if I'm the new generation of husbands that I see and hear about now a days. If we don't conform to what the wive's think is a good marriage then fuck it. I've always thought that when one gets married and eventually have children that that is your new family and it's a priority over anything but it's just not like that here. I want out of this prison. I want to break out of these walls and start new. I don't think I want to continue in this marriage.

I was talking to my mother, which I'm sure you know is a great cook and very smart woman from my brother's post whenever she goes to visit home, and she just made all the sense in the world but there is just one thing I don't think I can go through with and that's sitting here until tax return season and having whatever money we have saved from here to there and deciding to leave her parent's house for good whether it's with or without her. Holy crap, this sux....