Bad dream
I thought I'd get it down before I completely forget all the details. You know how you always remember the moment you wake up but as time goes by you can't remember it for the life of you.
I've had this feeling over the last few years that certain people in my family think that I leech off of my mother financially. No one has ever come out and told me but it's a feeling I can't shake off. Here's the dream:
My mother is living in a nice little town house, I think I might be living with her as well and yet I'm with my wife and daughter in the dream so it's weird. There are other things happening that don't really pertain to the dream but at one point I get dropped off at my mother's home by a friend. As I'm walking towards the house I notice it's bit darker than usual and when I get to the door I notice a note on the door. It reads something like "This home has been vacated" and when I take a look inside through the glass the house is empty and it has just been painted. She had just disappeared and hadn't told me anything. Now, in the dream, immediately I knew my brother Priamo was involved so I start to feel anxious and anger. It is late at night and have no where to go and feel abandoned. My friends had already been long gone so I was alone and start walking to another friend's home and my wife was there. I try calling her but she changed her cell #. I call my brother Priamo and nothing. It was as if they were going to go on with their lives without me. In the dream it was as if my brother had enough of my mother helping me financially. I didn't know what to do and had this deep feeling of panick and still had it when I woke up. I remember saying to my wife in the dream "If we ever see her again she will not see the baby again."
Reading it back now it felt a lot worse than I'm describing...so much so that I still felt angry, anxious, panicky long after waking up. It's been a few years since I used to ask for money here and there around the time that me and my wife first met but not anymore. When it came to my court fees and other things having to do with my "disease" which I spoke about in this post I came to the realization I was going to need help. It was too much for me to handle on my own. I don't know the point to this post...I still have those lingering after effects from that dream so I felt I had to post it down. Maybe one day I'll finally get those answers I've been looking for about my family......WEENIEMAN (coughs)
posted by Orlando @ 7:20 AM
5 Comments:
That was a bad dream....to feel abandoned by your mother would be a horrible feeling. Maybe you should talk to your mother.....I know it is sometimes hard to talk about feelings and issues, my family is the same way, but maybe it's time. From what I know of you and Pavel, you all seem like great people,whom I'm glad I've met. I hope you get the answers you are looking for....HUGS!
btw- LMAO @ the nickname.
I know exactly how you feel. I have had some pretty bad dreams that make me wake up and wonder how the hell I could dream something like that.
Mine usually aren't as intense as yours was, but I think no matter how bad it is, we all react the same way, and that panic feeling lingers no matter what it is.
I used to have a dream, and sometimes it haunts me still, that I was a magician and I'm supposed to pull a rabbit from a hat. I stick my hand in the hat and end up pulling my own head out of the hat. Silly I know, but every time I used to have it, I would wake up in a cold sweat and immediately reach to make sure my head was still attached.
I don't, nor will I ever know what that dream means, and I hope that you get the answers about yours :)
Hey, if you ever figure out our family, please share it with me. I don't understand them; never have!
What I do know is this: there's a lot of latin male macho bravado and not enough thinking. There is also a drive for success at any cost where being successful is what makes you worthy.
I don't think there's anything wrong with material and monetary success, but those things don't define you as a person The truth is there isn't much difference between winning and losing (at anything) except how the world treats you. As long as when all is said and done, you know you did your best in front of the Lord.
You're a good person, Orly. You love your family and are trying your best in the situation you're in. Just try your best with your wife, kids, job, helping others, and you'll see that the definition of success isn't measured by the quality of your car or the size of your bank account.
Mom loves you and loves to help her kids. She'd never abandon you and that I know for a fact.
pavel
I have lots of bad dreams and sadly, I remember most of them. After reading what weenieman wrote, I felt better about your dream. Plus, he's right.
My mom thinks that to be important and worthy, you have to have a lot of things. Cars, houses, jewelry, the rigth clothes, the right friends. Well, she's gotten a lot of that and she is a horribly depressed and mean woman.
I've lived in houses where you could see the ground through my closet floor. I learned how to kill a myriad of bugs. But you know what? I was doing it on my own, with my own two hands and my daughter. I was working to do better for us, but I didn't care about fancy cars and homes, I cared about her and me. So, I made a nice place out of what I had and it was full of love and understanding.
I wish the same for you, love and understanding. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you all for your kind words. It sucks but it's true. Most of my family puts too much emphasize on material things on how much money you make. If you've gone nowhere in life, in their eyes, you're beneath them and it comes out in their tone of voice and body language when they speak to you.
I know my mother would never abandone me or any of her children...I hope I didn't give that impression. I was more bitter about everyone else in the family doing it.
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